Thursday, January 3, 2013

Is 3 Too Young for a Musical?


A little camera shy.
I love musicals but generally have no one to go with me or no time to go. Until NOW. NOW I have a tiny human that doesn't have a choice in the matter. But truly, I do hope to instill in her a love for live performance and was thrilled when the spouse surprised me with two tickets to Mary Poppins the Musical as a Christmas gift. 

I have always believed in the philosophy that life does not stop once you have kids. Things definitely do NOT always go as planned and definitely DO always take four times as long as you planned, but it doesn't stop. That said I've trucked both kids with me just about every where that is kid appropriate since they were born. Occasionally a liquor store which technically might not be considered kid appropriate but the other shoppers understand - you have kids and you may require a sip of something significant now and again or every evening just after 8pm....

All this said I know my daughter is a good kid and she can be trusted in public to at least try to do her best. However, I was clearly nervous in taking her to a live show. She hasn't sat still for over 30 seconds since conception. In other words, it has never happened. Visions of angry theatre patrons giving me the evil eye danced in my head... Alas, we were going to a show! We would do our bestest. Read on for the breakdown. It may help you decide to show, or not to show...
  1. The musical had a 2pm start date and it's a 35 minute drive. The problem with this scenario? Nap time generally begins around 1pm. 
  2. Naturally no nap took place. This heightens the potential for bad behavior, tantrums and the like by approximately 82%. 
  3. Around 12:30 I again proclaim my excitement in that the "girls" get to go to a show. Response: "Mama, I don't want to go. I want to stay home with my brother because I love him and he's my best friend." While endearing, we're going. 
  4. Thankfully a fancy dress with ruffles, velvet and bows can do wonders. Some call this child bribery. I call it a win-win. 
  5. Additionally, she has a Disney music CD and decides she is excited to hear them sing "Chim Chim," as she calls it. 
  6. By the time I'm finally able to get us both dressed and happy with our dresses I'm running late. It's no surprise and more like the story of my life. 
  7. I pack us into the vehicle and proceed to speed. As we round the exit for the parking ramp the child passes out. Finally taking that over due nap. Great timing. Great.
  8. No time to mess with parking I take a spot on the top floor of a six-floor parking ramp about two blocks from the theatre. 
  9. I foolishly decide to let the child sleep a few more minutes and attempt to carry her hurriedly to the show. This proves challenging as I'm wearing heels. But hell, I can do it! I did Disney alone with two kids in JULY. I can do ANYTHING!
  10. I cross the parking ramp carrying the additional 27 lbs. Thank God she's light. As I reach the elevator it has a tiny hand-written sign that reads, "Elevator broken. Sorry for any inconvenience." 
  11. I reach into my fancy handbag and pull out my mini chick gun and proceed to shoot the elevator until the bullets run out. The gun part did not actually happen but I envisioned this scenario and instead moved on to the stairs. There was no time to cross to the front of the ramp and walk further away from the theatre. 
  12. By the time I reach the bottom the child is awake and thankfully happy and excited we're going to a show. I think the fact that there are little girls and their moms everywhere decked out in pretty dresses heading to see Mary Poppins may have been essential.
  13. We find our seats and I'm thrilled to discover that not only are we 3 minutes early, we're seated in gallery seats that are near the door and on the end placed next to another mother with small children. We may have been able to touch the ceiling of this several story theatre, but there is a time and a place to be seated in the nosebleeds and this is one of those times. 
  14. Thankfully I have prepped the child for two days on the importance of being quiet and to whisper if she needs something during the show.
  15. Unfortunately I did not prep the child for two days on the importance of NOT needing something every 30 seconds or the importance of sitting still. 
  16. Withing two minutes of the opening I feel the tap tap on my knee. My little darling "has to go pee pee." She is instructed to wait.
  17. During the next 12 minutes I am told she has to go pee pee at least 17 times. In case you're not a math whiz, that is more than once per minute.
  18. During the same 12 minutes I'm asked repeatedly when we will hear "chim chim". 
  19. Finally I can't take it anymore and we rush to the restroom. 
  20. Clearly on our way back to our seats we hear "Chim Chim" from the hallway. Of course. 
  21. During the next hour I'm tapped on multiple occasions for questions on what's happening and told three or four times, "I have to go poopy sooo bad." 
  22. Again I give up and we hike it quickly to the restroom.
  23. Shortly thereafter is the intermission. Thank God! We can talk, walk, stretch. I will not be purchasing refreshments as I'd prefer to spend the rest of the show in our seats vs the restroom.
  24. After moving from her seat to my lap to the floor and back again twice she finally settles on my lap and passes out cold. Again I THANK GOD! While I'm sorry she missed the end, it may have been necessary for everyone's sanity.
  25. And then, like deja vous, the show ends and I proceed to carry the sleeping child down 5 stories in the theatre - following hundreds of people that have no where to be and are not heaving another human. I begin pushing people down the stairs without regret. Ok, that didn't happen but again, I did imagine it for a minute. Alas, I forge on the two blocks to the parking ramp and then up the the six flights to my car. Curse the heels. Curse the heat. My back muscles are now beginning to spasm, I'm sweating, my hair is flat yet frizzed and the look on my face deters others from commenting. Wise choice.
And would I do it again? In a heartbeat. For all my sarcasm I'm incredibly sentimental and teared up at least nine times looking at my daughter's face light up during this show, literally the bright side of this adventure. And would I wear the heels again? Indeed. I'm just not ready for a sensible flat.

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