Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Gold Nuggets

Back in the college days my roommate and I would frequently discuss how intensely our lives would improve if only we could locate the lost gold nuggets. We consumed a great deal of alcohol when we had these discussions and never did discover the missing nuggets. PS - I find "nuggets" to be a hilarious word and therefore will abuse the term throughout this post. 
(Photo via gemrockauctions.com)

In any case, while I don't have any real solid gold nuggets to share amongst friends, I have learned a few things along this bumpy road of motherhood and perhaps some of you will feel "enriched" after reading. That said, enjoy the nuggets. 

1) Never say never. Just don't. If you choose to take the risk and say "never," do understand that this is actually a form of foreshadowing. For example: Upon viewing an unsightly display at a neighbors home I professed in a judgemental manner, "I will NEVER have a plastic kid playhouse in my backyard or multi-colored bins over-flowing with toys. I will have nice storage bins that are perfectly organized and labeled a la Pottery Barn Kids.

OR, I'll wake up one day to find I have a big plastic house in my backyard and a multi-colored toy bin with absolutely no organization whatsoever. 
 
2) Natural birth vs Epidural. I've tried both and surprisingly lived to tell the tale. Of course birth stories are lengthy, the full story may come in a future post, and I realize everyone has their own opinion on the matter. But the bottom line is this: 

If you prefer not to puke purely due to pain, take this nugget and get yourself an epidural.

3) Breastfeeding. This is an important nugget that will save you future disappointment and prepare you mentally for what is to come. To me, breastfeeding was similar to a DIY project that becomes two or more like 8 times more difficult than you thought it would be. Bonus breastfeeding nugget:

You will find many articles that assure you nipple soreness will subside within a week or so, that's a sham.


4) Weaponry for children. I love the movie "Brave" and so does my 3 year old daughter. (Side note: watch Brave shortly before enjoying adult beverages and you may find yourself speaking with a Scottish accent. An unexpected but super fun side effect that will most likely annoy everyone in your presence which clearly makes it all the more fun). In any case, it's likely a poor choice to give a 3 year old a bow-and-arrow. However, my loving husband decided it was fine. Within 30 seconds of child handling bow she snapped her own cheek leaving a large, red, welt.  

Say it with me, "You'll shoot your eye out kid!"  

5) Poop and other gross stuff. Talk about nuggets. Just a warning to get over yourself and know you'll be handling these items consistently for the next several years of your life.

6) Time Management. I've definitely found that while I thought I was busy before children, I'm now wondering what I could have possibly been doing. I thought I "didn't have time" for networking groups, working out, or other such activities that I'm now doing along WITH having children, running a business, and writing a blog. Hmmm, sort of felt a small sense of accomplishment after typing up this little nugget. 

7) And finally, a Sunshine Bomb exclusive, The Secret Nugget...

Start each morning by putting on your best ball gown and then shot-gun a beer. 

No matter what catastrophes befall you throughout the day, you'll look back and recall that moment that you pounded a beer in your best dress just a few hours prior and this knowledge will make you smile. Ok, in all honesty I've never tried this but it sounds like a potentially good idea. But in all honesty, I have found that waking up and applying Olay Regenerist Intensive Repair Treatment is a fabulous idea. It doesn't show great reviews on the website, but I personally feel I've seen a reduction in wrinkles and fine lines and what more can I ask for?

In conclusion I will examine the bright side of the solid gold nugget. While parenthood is difficult, most likely the hardest thing you will ever do, all the cliches are true in that it is also the most amazing thing you will ever do. But on those difficult days I've found a simple solution. Aside from wine consumption, I highly suggest reading some humorous parenting blogs which will immediately make you aware you're not alone!! And as parents, AKA Warriors, we shouldn't be! 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Disney Rasta Princess?

I have to know, what UP with the hair on the Disney Princess dolls? Has anyone else noticed that it becomes un-combable within moments of being placed within your childs eager hands? Perhaps at 3 my daughter is too young to maintain the pre-packaged coif? But somehow I don't think that's it. The Strawberry Shortcakes and My Little Ponies remain silky... 

In the end I've decided they all may need an alter-ego to match their newly adopted alternative hair. I invite you to meet the Disney Working Princesses...

RastaBelle
Stunning in her silky, metallic, golden-rod yellow ball-gown, RastaBelle has chosen to go the Rasta way allowing her Auburn mane to become dreadlocks. Some believe the change may have come as a result of time spent dating an actual wolf-mangling beast. NOTE: She has been treated for mange and is good to go! Accessories may include: Tie-dye ball gown and peace pipe.

Up-All-Night Aurora



Bedazzled in pink, you'll find Up-All-Night Aurora to be the perfect pairing for your coke and/or immensely over-caffeinated energy drink habit. She sports a cutting-edge do that requires no combing, no stying, just frizz and go. Accessories may include: Over-sized coffee mug and Shiv.


Snow-Wrong

After years of befriending small wild rodents, birds, and the like, Snow-White decided to don a new look she appropriately calls "the Nest." With a density similar to that of tightly woven sticks and small branches, her wooly mane doubles as an animal-friendly home while still allowing her to rock the club scene on weekends. Accessories may include: 2 decoy eggs to be placed in "the Nest"

The Bright-Side of the bombshells with the bad shells? One less doll for the mom to brush and do hair. Even the 3 year-old knows there's no point in trying with this tragic Trio of the Evening...