Friday, May 10, 2013

Games for Tired Moms

As of late I've been working a lot. A ridiculous amount actually. It has lead to increased drinking, reduced sleeping, and your basic stressed induced insanity. 

To ease the anxiety of my present lifestyle I was forced to invent some new games to remain involved with my tiny humans while exerting the least amount of energy. 

Read on, you never know when you may need to pull these tricks from the big bag of parenting... 

1) Let's Play Puppy! Mommy will lay on the couch, toss a ball, and children pretend to be puppies fetching ball! This was fun for at least 20 minutes - with a few small breaks between but for 1 and 3 yr olds, that's pretty damn good. 

2) Let's Play Pretend Sleep! This is a fabulous game in which all players lay down and pretend to be sleeping. Yep, that's it. For unknown reasons fake snoring is highly fun for children which is especially excellent for sleepy parents. 

3) Painting Mommy's Toenails! This game can be tricky. It should only be done outdoors. WARNING: You might walk away with a seriously scary pedicure. However, the end result is the same. Mommy gets to stop moving for at least 15 minutes while child is happily and safely occupied. It's worth the extra money you will spend on polish remover, trust me. 

Parents/Grandparents/Sitters and Childcare Givers of all kinds hope you will find these little games helpful on your next exhausted night... And the Bright Side is that when the children tire of these "motionless" games there's a Starbucks on nearly every corner offering tasty caffeinated beverages. ROCK ON with your tired self!


Friday, April 12, 2013

Bad Egg?

I love being a mom, and most of the time I feel like I'm fairly decent at this all-encompassing role that shapes and builds another life from the ground up, no pressure...

However, there are days that I have to question my skills... Such as this particular day in which I found I apparently have zero ability to make acceptable Easter Eggs. Evidence below... 


Not only did we make the eggs 2 weeks AFTER Easter, I failed to read the 3-step instructions correctly. Yes, just 3-steps. I will blame this on the fact that I am busy, working 10-12 hour days and still making my best attempt at motherhood in which sometimes a Better Late than Never policy must apply. 

What went wrong?

While my perfectly boiled eggs underwent the fascinating process of dying, the shells actually started to peel. Who knew the shell could peel? This was my first clue something may have gone wrong. I quickly pulled all floaters and re-read said instructions. Oh yeah, water to dilute the vinegar.... OOPS!

I then proceeded to panic and added way too much water! This solution was not much better.  

We had to wait three-times as long for color absorption.

And even after tripling the dye-time, the color was weak, I could possibly call them pastel. The pink was no longer visible to the human eye and of course this is the daughter's favorite color... I definitely sensed the disappointment and questioned, as mother, am I a bad egg?

Looking at the Bright Side, with 1 and 3 year-olds you can pull off a few of these absolutely ridiculous pinterest fail type activities and they are none-the-wiser. However, I better get my #*$ together soon because I know all too well that sooner or later they will be on to me. A scary thought, and you can't let 'em smell fear!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Welcome to Ponyville

There's something important that we must discuss immediately...
Who is responsible for naming the My Little Ponies
And who the "H" approved said names? 
Seriously. I cannot get passed it. As a former lover of the MLPs, I grew up anti-Barbie and Dolls. I was all MLPs all the time and Friendship really was Magic. But I swear to the Holy one they had normal names back in the day. Names like Applejack. What happened? 
Photo from "imisstheoldschool.com". Me too myfriend!

If you're not familiar with the newly named ponies, let me enlighten you with a few of my faves.
  • Scootaloo: A Pegasus Pony possibly named by someone obsessed with the childhood tune "Skip to My Lou". Which, by the way, I just learned on the 100% true Wikipedia was a popular tune during the Frontier Period and used at "Play Parties". Since dancing was frowned upon, "play parties" consisted of participants clapping to create music and hopping about while swapping partners. Who knew?
  • Pinkie Pie: I couldn't make this up and I'm not even sure where to go on this one but it seems like something an overly-hormonal teenage boy may have conjured... And PS - Her full name, spoken by her mother in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, is Pinkamena Diane Pie. Again, I'm at a loss. 
  • Cheerilee: The person responsible for this brilliant gem of a name may have been a cheerleader back in High School. The "Cheerleader" years may have been the peak of this pony-naming individual's life and therefore that person paid tribute to that time of life. It's all I got.
  • Twilight Sparke: Twilight Sparkle is an Alicorn. I'm sure you're aware but just in case you are not, an Alicorn is a Pegasus Unicorn Princess Pony. Awesome. Twilight Sparkle also sounds as though she may have earned her way into Ponyville on the pole. 
I was briefly saddened at the whack names of the ponies of now. But then I looked at the Bright Side and realized I appreciated the names. They sparked my imagination and gave me confidence that one day I may have an "in" at Hasbro. I'm pretty sure I can do better than those sparkle-gem-apple-crusted-sing-songy-WTF names. For starters, how about these ditties I came up with in under 2 minutes: 
  • Nutters: A bay colored pony with corresponding light-colored Peanuts on the hiney. Cute, right?
  • Honey: A Palomino with tiny honey bees on the butt. This name is inspired by the horse named Honey of my past that attempted to "Stop, Drop, and Roll" while I was still in saddle. Fact.
  • Biscuit: A marmalade shade, this pony bears the stamp of tiny Grandville Biscuits on the booty.
And now, in case you wish for more My Little Pony knowledge or plan to host a MLP Trivia game, much of the info on this post was acquired via this site: http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies. I encourage you to visit and warn you that you will be shocked at the level of information available. I question who on the planet Earth had the time to spend to create this website? It is really above and beyond the call of Ponyville Duty - if only someone had spent this amount of energy on the names...

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Pinterest Perfect Decorating, Courtesy of the Sunshine Bomb

Pinterest Peeps! You will positively fall in love with these easy DIY decorating ideas. Hell, they're so simple your children can help!

Let's begin with what I call Tea Party to Go

You can clearly see that possibilities abound with this clever yet functional decor idea. Simply toss tea party supplies absolutely anywhere and you'll not only sprinkle your floor with tea party fun, you are also ready for crumpets any time, any place.









Next up is the Fancy Wine Thing Stashed in a Corner.

 A two-foot tall wine decanter that absolutely exudes elegance while neatly stashed in the corner of a home office for over 3 years, always longing to release the bouquet of a fine wine... A convenient location that could double as an adult "time-out" corner with a robust bottle of red.








And lastly for this entry of Pinterest Perfect, Closet Art. 
 
I know what you're thinking! What a FABULOUS way to dress up a closet! And it's as easy as spending countless hours searching for that precise piece of art that will make a room and then prop it up in a closet for months on end.









There's no need to go searching for the Bright Side in this tale of DIY tips, it's obvious. Not only will you save yourself a pretty penny by not hiring an over-priced decorator, but you will find that you are the envy of all your friends!

Friday, March 8, 2013

"Wish in One Hand....

....Shi* in the other. See which one fills up first!"

In my experience it has never been the hand holding the "wish." Ahh, one of my father's favorite smart-ass responses. And I have to admit it's a pretty good one, one that I found myself pondering  late last night as I sat up watching trash TV and "wishing..."

In this case I was wishing I had the money of the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" so I too could be traversing Paris with friends and sipping the bubbly. Versus facing my actual reality which consisted of dealing with week 6 of the Puke-Fest of 2013, a sink full of dirty dishes, an over-flowing laundry basket, and an inbox full of unanswered emails, i.e. work.

But as I always try to find the Bright Side (wine helps) this case was no different. Instead of being angry I attempted to explore all the reasons why my life is oh so much better than the "RHOBHs..."

1) As a RHOBH you are apparently expected to sport 4-5" heels at all times. While I love a fabulous heel as much as the next girl, I'm not sure I could pull that off for miles of shopping the strip. I feel fairly confident I would be quickly escorted out of the club if I arrived wearing a "Stride-Rite". Ok, even I wouldn't do that but you get the point...
Photo via: www.celebritynetworth.com


2) Even while enjoying the amazing view of Paris from the Eiffel Tower with a glass of amazing Champagne, you will still be faced with drama. During this particular episode two wives rehashed a ridiculous misunderstanding that had happened months ago. Really? Is this necessary NOW? In Paris? At the Eiffel Tower? Really?

3) Pressure to spend. I cannot help my frugal nature and I have a feeling even if I were rolling with some serious bank, I'd still be practical. Practical doesn't exist with these so-called "Real" housewives. I recall an episode in which Taylor spent over $50,000 on her daughter's birthday party. And her daughter didn't even like it!!! My daughter will be turning 4 soon and all I can say is, Wow! I sure am lucky that I don't have to spend $50 large on a party! 

4) You cannot over-consume alcoholic beverages in peace. It would seem every time one of the so-called ladies goes a little overboard there's an intervention, a twitter-outbreak, and suddenly everything you do is scrutinized. Don't get me wrong, I can't understand what Kim is saying either, but hey, we all have our moments. 

Sooo... I'll take my dirty dishes and puking children and rock on in my Stride-Rites. They can keep Paris! Was any of this convincing at all?